A Setback.....For Now.....

Gary is a 65 year old African American man with a significant criminal and drug history who's been clean, sober and out of trouble for a number of years, now. In fact, he was just released from his probation about two weeks ago, although he's still paying off some rather fat fines from his previous indiscretions. Gary ended up homeless a few months ago after the 85 year old woman he lived with and cared for passed away. When she died, his $390 a month in Social Security wasn't enough to pay the bills so out on the street he went. Gary's an "old school" man; you can tell because his hardcore nature seeps through occasionally. He once told me that he knew that God was telling him something when he shot a man five times and the man lived long enough to identify him. It was at that point, according to Gary, that he decided to change his life for the better, and he's never looked back. And change he did, at least in terms of living life on the violent, seamy side. But Gary's lessons of a lifetime of scandalous behavior continue to come back to haunt and harm him in the regular world; a fate very common to most of us who must transition from the underworld of drugs and crime back into "regular" society. I've been trying to get Gary off the street for about two months now. He was close last month but his retirement check arrived a day early at his old apartment and he wasn't' there to get it by hand from a mailman who was friendly and understanding enough to hand off the check to him. The check went back to the Social Security office and Gary had to contact them and have them resend it to the day shelter I work out of. That set us back for a month while the government got it's proverbial shit together and reissued him a check to his new "address." In the meantime, a perfect opportunity arose for Gary. A local apartment complex had a position open for a property manager and a free apartment was included in the deal. It would have been ideal for Gary, since he was used to stretching his meager retirement money through a month for food and necessities but simply didn't have enough to pay rent at any place and buy groceries, too. I went to bat for Gary with the hiring manager of that position. Actually, I went to bat for two gentlemen who were vying for the position, both of whom I've been assisting over this summer. Gary had an appointment scheduled for Monday morning at 10am. I saw Gary on Wednesday of last week and told him that no matter what happened, we'd meet at 9am in front of the downtown library in order to get him to a shower and some clean clothes before his interview at 10. Gary agreed and since this was his usual haunt, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him. Gary spends most of his time during the day right out front, occasionally wandering the block but always within a couple of minutes of returning to the front of the library. I rolled up on Capitol blvd yesterday morning at 8:50M. I didn't see Gary but wasn't too concerned as he could have been using the restroom in the library or wandering on the other side of the park. I went to the front of the library and began waiting. After about 15 minutes I decided to wander through the library, just to see if perhaps he'd been reading and lost track of the time. I went to the usual spots he hangs out at but still, he was nowhere to be found. I went back out to the front of the library and began chatting with a couple of homeless guys I know. I asked if they'd seen Gary - both knew him well - and neither had seen him this morning. A metro beat cop who happened to be standing near us while I was asking about Gary overheard me and stated that he'd seen Gary this morning right across the street, but that Gary had since disappeared. The cop even opined that it was odd, because Gary is "always" out in front here, and the cop couldn't understand why he'd now disappeared. To make a long story short, at 9:55am, Gary walked over to the park. I had returned to my car and was just fortunate enough to see him before I got in. I called to him and he turned to look at me. I asked him if he was ready to go and he said; "I guess, I'm as ready as I can be." I began waling towards him with a bag of clean clothes and some soap and deodorant so he could at least grab a birdbath in the library bathroom. I asked him why it was that he wasn't here at 9, like we had agreed upon. His response took me aback as it was loud, menacing, rude, and unexpected; "what am I supposed to do, hang around here all day waiting for you?" I stood there for a moment and I suspect my jaw was hanging to my feet. I said, "we had arranged this Wednesday. I've got you a shower lined up, clean clothes here in the bag and we can still get there on time. He threw up his hands and began walking away from me. I said, "allright Gary. I can't do anything else to help ya." I got in my car and left. I then had to call and tell the manager I'd given glowing recommendations about Gary to that apparently he wasn't as interested in the job as I originally thought, and frankly, even though it wasn't my fault Gary had completely flaked on the situation, I felt like an ass having to do that. it pissed me off, made me disgusted, frustrated the hell out of me, and hurt my feelings, too. My boss - who I usually go to with this kind of stuff - was stuck in a mandatory meeting so I called Gary's case manager and shared what occurred, She told me something interesting during that conversation that I hadn't really been able to see, although I think I'd been getting warning signs throughout the previous couple of weeks from Gary. Gary's CM told me that she'd found Gary to be engaged in "kick me" behavior. It's classic transactional analysis terminology - the old 1970s "I'm Okay, You're Okay" therapy that was all the rage back then. It's since been relegated to the back shelves of most psychologists book collections but parts of it still have considerable applicability, like the "kick me" model. I should have recognized this game a lot sooner, since I was a big player of it, too. But I didn't, and I think that's what bothers me the most about this particular setback with Gary. Kick Me occurs when someone has, for whatever the reason, manifested in their psyche that they are worthless pieces of shit. As the person moves through various endeavors and gets things going in the right direction, the person then subconsciously does something to destroy the forward progress, thereby validating to him/herself that they are indeed worthless pieces of shit. It's an ugly and horribly self defeating game and those who play it continually find themselves struggling to overcome situations that they have induced upon themselves because of it. So Gary's chance at a job and a free apartment have disappeared. I don't have much left to offer him, either, and that's assuming that he'd want anything else from me. I don't have a clue at this point how to re-engage the man and honestly, as much as I'm worried for him, I don't know if he's ever going to actually be able to pull himself together long enough to stabilize himself in a home again. His income is so small as to make damned near even the most inexpensive rent controlled units unreachable - that is, if he still wants to eat, too. I don't know what to do next. Meanwhile, Gary is sleeping in an abandoned car and the weather is supposed to turn to snow by Saturday.....